Tag Archives: Funny

The Art of Appraisal

Big Boss: This year your performance was good, excellent and outstanding.

So, your rating is "average".

Kumar: What? How come ‘average’?

Big Boss: Because…err…uhh…you lack domain knowledge.

Kumar: But last year you said I am a domain expert and you put me in this

project as a domain consultant.

Big Boss: Oh is it? Well, in that case, I think your domain knowledge has

eroded this year.

Kumar: What???

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Big Boss: Yes, I didn’t see you sharing knowledge on Purchasing domain.

Kumar: Why would I? Because I am not in Purchasing, I am in Manufacturing.

Big Boss: This is what I don’t like about you. You give excuse for

everything.

Kumar: Huh? *Confused*

Big Boss: Next, you need to improve your communication skills.

Kumar: Like what? I am the one who trained the team on "Business

Communication", you sat in the audience and took notes, you remember?

Big Boss: Oh is it? Errr…well..I mean, you need to improve your Social

Pragmatic Affirmative Communication.

Kumar: Huh? What the hell is that? *Confused*

Big Boss: See! That’s why you need to learn about it.

Kumar: *head spinning*

Big Boss: Next, you need to sharpen your recruiting skills. All the guys

you recruited left within 2 months.

Kumar: Well, not my mistake. You told them you will sit beside them and

review their code, and most resigned the next day itself. Couple of them

even attempted suicide.

Big Boss:*stunned* (recovers from shock) Err…anyway, I tried to give you

a better rating, but our Normalization process gave you only ‘average’.

Kumar: Last year that process gave me ‘excellent’. This year just

‘average’? Why is this process pushing me up and down every year?

Big Boss: That’s a complicated process. You don’t want to hear.

Kumar: I’ll try to understand. Go ahead.

Big Boss: Well, we gather in a large room, write down the names of

sub-ordinates in bits of paper, and throw them up in the air. Whichever

lands on the floor gets ‘average’, whichever lands on table gets ‘good’,

whichever we manage to catch gets ‘excellent’ and whichever gets stuck to

ceiling gets ‘outstanding’.

Kumar: (eyes popping out) What? Ridiculous! So who gets ‘poor’ rating?

Big Boss: Those are the ones we forget to write down.

Kumar: What the hell! And how can paper bits stick to ceiling for

‘outstanding’?

Big Boss: Oh no, now you have started questioning our 20 year old

organizational process!

Kumar: *faints

Wrong Advertisements #lol

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Saturday Mornings! #lol

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Saturday morning!

I got up early, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed my golf bag, tried not to wake my wife, sneaked quietly into the garage and proceeded to back out into a torrential down pour.

The wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.

Disappointed I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and sneaked back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, ‘The weather out there is terrible.’

My loving wife of 20 yrs replied, ‘Can you believe my stupid husband is out there playing golf in that terrible weather?’

I still don’t know to this day if she was joking, but I have stopped playing golf.

Secret of a Married life

funny-marriage

Once I was asked by my Friend, “What is the secret behind your happy married life?”

I said, “You should share responsibilities with due love and
Respect each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems.”

He asked, “Can you explain?”

I said, “In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each others decisions.”

Still not convinced, Friend asked me “Give me some examples”

I said,” Smaller issues like, which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator , monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it”

He asked, “Then what is your role?”

I said,” My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iran, whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe, whether to widen African economy, whether Sachin Tendulkar should retire, etc etc and Do you know one thing,

My wife NEVER, EVER objects to any of these”…………!!!!!!

Why do students fail in exams…?

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It’s not the fault of the student if he fails, because the year ONLY
has 365′ days.

Typical academic year for a student

1.  Sundays-52, Sundays in a year, you know Sundays are for rest.
Days left 313.
2.  Summer holidays-50 where weather is very hot and difficult to
study. Days left 263.
3. 8 hours daily sleep- 130 days GONE.. Days left 141.
4. 1 hour for daily playing- (good for health) means 15 days. Days left 126.
5. 2 hours daily for food & other delicacies (chewing properly &
swallowing)- means 30days. Days left 96.
6. 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means 15 days Days left 81.
7. Exam days- per year at least 35 days. Days left 46.
8. Quarterly, Half yearly and festival (holidays)-40 days. Balance 6 days.
9. For sickness- at least 3 days. Remaining days=3.
10. Movies and functions- at least 2 days. 1 day left.
11. That 1 day is your birthday. How can you study on your B’day??????
Balance = 0 “How can a student pass?????”

 

Tax Structure in India…. Funny But True…

 Tax Structure in India…. Funny But True…
 
Question 1. : What are you doing?
Ans. : Business.
Tax : PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX!
Question 2 : What are you doing in Business?
Ans. : Selling the Goods.
Tax : PAY SALES TAX!!

Question 3 : From where are you getting Goods?
Ans. : From other State/Abroad
Tax : PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI!

Question 4 : What are you getting in Selling Goods?
Ans. : Profit.
Tax : PAY INCOME TAX!

Question 5: How do you distribute profit ?
Ans : By way of dividend
Tax : PAY DIVIDEND DISTRIBUTION TAX

Question 6 : Where you Manufacturing the Goods?
Ans. : Factory.
Tax : PAY EXCISE DUTY!

Question 7 : Do you have Office / Warehouse / Factory?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY MUNICIPAL & FIRE TAX!

Question 8 : Do you have Staff?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX!

Question 9 : Doing business in Millions?
Ans. : Yes  — Tax : PAY TURNOVER TAX!
Ans : No — Tax : Then pay Minimum Alternate Tax
Question 10 : Are you taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank?
Ans. : Yes, for Salary.
Tax : PAY CASH HANDLING TAX!

Question 11 : Where are you taking your client for Lunch & Dinner?
Ans. : Hotel
Tax : PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT TAX!

Question 12 : Are you going Out of Station for Business?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX!

Question 13 : Have you taken or given any Service / (s)?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY SERVICE TAX!

Question 14 : How come you got such a Big Amount?
Ans. : Gift on birthday.
Tax : PAY GIFT TAX!

Question 15.: Do you have any Wealth?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY WEALTH TAX!

Question 16 : To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going?
Ans. : Cinema or Resort.
Tax : PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX!

Question 17 : Have you purchased House?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY STAMP DUTY & REGISTRATION FEE !

Question 18 : How you Travel?
Ans. : Bus
Tax : PAY SURCHARGE!

Question 19.: Any Additional Tax?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY EDUCATIONAL, ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL & SURCHARGE ON ALL THE CENTRAL GOVT.’s TAX !!!

 

Question 20: Delayed any time Paying Any Tax?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY INTEREST & PENALTY!

21) INDIAN : Can I die now??
Ans :: Wait we are about to launch the funeral tax !!!
Tax Structure in India……. Funny But True